Why don’t you just take a picture?

Over the weekend I was at a BBQ and chatting with a French girl who is interning at my office. I do not remember how the topic came up but we were discussing how annoying it is when strangers stare at you. She told me that in France, in the Basque country, there is a very elaborate version of the old “Why don’t you just take a picture?” reaction to starers. She could not remember how it goes but I think it should go something like this:

“Hey, buddy! Why don’t you just take a picture? You can make it your profile picture on Facebook, or your cover photo – or both! You could get it developed and have it framed in mahogany with my name embossed in gold leaf around the edges. You could mount it over your fireplace to gaze upon during the long, cold, winter nights. Or you could hang it on the wall behind your desk at your office and explain to your clients how I am now your new idol. You could take it with you when you’re on the road and keep it on your bedside table in your hotel rooms so that you don’t feel so all alone when you’re far away from home. You could even give a copy to your loving wife on your 25th wedding anniversary and explain to her that, because she’s so wonderful and deserves only the very best that life has to offer, she should have married me instead of you. I’m sure she’d cherish such a lovely gesture until her dying day. Speaking of death, don’t forget to add a clause in your will stating that it is your express wish to have the picture buried with you after you die. In this way, my likeness can accompany you throughout all of eternity in the afterlife. Oh! Oh! Better yet, why don’t you just shove the picture permanently up your ass so I will always be not only with you but within you in both life and death?!

Either that or stop fucking STARING at me!!!!”


About Requiem for the Damned

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